Sarah Palin jokes

Compiled this from the internet. There are in fact much much more jokes available in the net than the ones I’m posting below, so I just selected the ones that I think are really funny. The italicized few are my favorites. Enjoy. Hehe


“During the debate the other night, the moderator asked Sarah Palin to describe her Achilles heel, but instead of talking about her biggest weakness, she talked about her greatest strength, which apparently is not answering questions.” –Jay Leno

“Are you excited about Sarah Palin? Well, yesterday she referred to Afghanistan as our neighboring country. Apparently, she can see bin Laden’s cave from her house.” –David Letterman

“Of course, the most controversial thing Sarah Palin said last night was she felt the vice president should have more power. More power? Dick Cheney is shooting people in the face and doesn’t even get arrested. You cannot get any more powerful than that.” –Jay Leno

“She kept reaching out to Joe Sixpack. That’s because her answers make more sense after six beers.” –David Letterman

“President-elect Barack Obama spent the day thanking the people who helped him win the election. Yeah, and actually, Obama’s first phone call was to Sarah Palin. He sent her flowers.” –Conan O’Brien

“Sources from the McCain campaign are starting to talk. And they said today that when they were prepping Sarah Palin for the debates, they found out that she thought Africa was a country, not a continent. Now, to be fair to Sarah Palin, it is hard to see Africa from Alaska.” –Conan O’Brien

“You know who is really, really happy that John McCain did not win last night? The boyfriend of Sarah Palin’s daughter. He doesn’t have to get married now. ‘Whew, thank God!'” –Jay Leno

“Actually, Sarah Palin was pretty upset last night. Did you see her? Yeah, well, she wasn’t upset because she lost. Now she’s got to give all of her clothes back.” –Jay Leno

“A lot of speculation about Sarah Palin’s future, but last night, she denied rumors that she’s getting ready to run for president in 2012. Palin said, ‘That’s a long time away. I’ll be a great-grandmother by then.'” –Conan O’Brien

“I guess there seems to be some trouble brewing between Sarah Palin and John McCain. McCain aides say that Sarah Palin is ‘going rogue’ and not taking advice or notes from the McCain campaign. They say it is hard to keep her from going off script and making statements that hurt the campaign. It’s gotten so bad, her Secret Service codename is now ‘Joe Biden.'” –Jay Leno

“According to expense reports, Sarah Palin charged the state of Alaska over $21,000 for her children to travel with her on official business. In fairness to Gov. Palin, when she leaves them home alone they get pregnant.” –Seth Meyers

“Alaska’s largest newspaper has endorsed Barack Obama despite the fact that their governor is Sarah Palin. Luckily for Palin, it’s one of the 500 newspapers she doesn’t read.” –Conan O’Brien

“Sarah Palin is taking heat because the Republican National Committee has so far spent $150,000 on wardrobe for her and her family. She spent $50,000 at Saks Fifth Avenue, $75,000 at Neiman Marcus and about $5,000 on hair and makeup. Hey, representing small town, common-folk hockey moms isn’t cheap, folks.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“The question she keeps asking at all of the rallies is, ‘Who is Barack Obama?’ You know what, genius, maybe if you’d picked up a newspaper in the last year you’d know. He’s the guy who’s kicking your ass.” –Bill Maher

“Some good news for Sarah Palin: she has been cleared in that Troopergate scandal. You know who cleared her? Sarah Palin. Before lawmakers in Alaska released their report on this Troopergate scandal, Sarah Palin’s campaign released the results of their own campaign clearing her of any wrongdoing. Thank God we cleared that up. Actually, I think it’s legitimate, because apparently Palin can see the courthouse from her front porch, so obviously she’s a lawyer.” –Jay Leno

“It turns out that Joe is not a licensed plumber, he had to admit that he’s ‘not even close’ to buying the plumbing business, the business does not bring in $250,000 to $280,000 like he said, and his name isn’t even Joe — it’s Sam. Turns out the only true thing about ‘Joe the Plumber’ is ‘the.'” He’s the Sarah Palin of plumbing.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“People all over the world are celebrating Barack Obama’s victory. In fact, Sarah Palin watched the Russians celebrating from her house.” –David Letterman

“Political experts are saying that to succeed in the vice presidential debate, Sarah Palin needs to show that she has the same concerns as everyday Americans. For instance, Palin planned to start the debate by saying she’s really troubled by John McCain’s choice for vice president.” –Conan O’Brien

“Sarah Palin right now is training for tomorrow night’s vice presidential debate in Arizona. And she says it has really helped her on foreign policy, because from Arizona she can see Mexico.” –David Letterman

“Sarah Palin, she’s getting ready for tomorrow’s debate. I understand she now knows all three branches of government.” –Jay Leno

“Republicans are blaming Nancy Pelosi for the bailout not going through. Democrats are blaming it on an incomplete proposal by the Republicans. John McCain is blaming Barack Obama. Barack Obama is blaming John McCain. And Sarah Palin is praying nobody asks her what’s going on.” –Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin actually watched the debates very closely. Actually she watched with one eye the debate and the other eye across on Russia, because you never know.” –Jay Leno

“Hugh Hefner is entering the fray. Hugh Hefner has asked Sarah Palin to pose nude for Playboy magazine. Yeah, and Palin said she’d agree to pose for Playboy as long as there’s no interview.” –Conan O’Brien

“President Bush met with John McCain and Barack Obama. John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a shame because she actually has a lot of experience with financial matters. You know, she lives right next to a bank.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin is in town. John McCain took her over to the U.N. to introduce her to all the world leaders. It looked like Take Your Daughter to Work Day.” –David Letterman

“And all this week, the McCain campaign is trying to prevent Sarah Palin from talking to reporters covering the news, you know? They said, ‘you can take her picture, but you can’t ask her any questions.’ What is she running for, vice president or ‘America’s Next Top Model’?” –Jay Leno

“Everybody is trying to find out more about Sarah Palin. Someone was able to hack into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo! email account because she hadn’t taken the proper security measures. Yeah. So, folks, it’s official. No one in the Palin family uses protection.” –Conan O’Brien

“Did you see the Sarah Palin interview on ABC? This state trooper from Alaska says that Palin lied in the interview. She lied on national television. I’d say someone’s ready for the White House!” –Craig Ferguson

“John McCain’s campaign said that Sarah Palin will not talk to the media, this is a quote, until reporters can address her with respect and deference. Oh, what is she running for, vice president or queen?” –Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin’s been spending the last couple of days being briefed by advisers on what she needs to know to be John McCain’s vice president. That’s true. Yeah. Apparently, the first thing they taught her was CPR.” –Conan O’Brien

“This is true. In Alaska, a political activist is trying to get Sarah Palin to release over 1,000 e-mails that she’s withholding from public records. She won’t release them. Yeah. Apparently, several of the e-mails went unanswered and have the subject line ‘Mom, I need to talk to you about birth control.'” –Conan O’Brien

“Of course, now everyone’s digging into Sarah Palin’s past. There’s an old picture of Sarah Palin circulating on the internet right now, and she’s wearing a t-shirt that says, ‘I may be broke, but I’m not flat-busted.’ Yeah, John McCain was upset when he heard this and asked, ‘What’s the internet?'” –Conan O’Brien

“In her speech last night, Sarah Palin mocked Barack Obama for giving speeches in front of adoring crowds and standing in front of a stage backdrop. Ironically, Palin did so in front of an adoring crowd standing in front of a stage backdrop.” –Jay Leno

“Governor Sarah Palin gave her speech tonight at the GOP Convention, and it gave people who didn’t know anything about her the chance to finally meet her, you know, like John McCain.” –Jay Leno

“We’re learning more and more about Governor Palin. Apparently her daughter’s name is Juno.” –Jay Leno

“The Republican Convention is under way. The theme for tonight’s Republican Convention is, ‘Who is John McCain?’ Tomorrow night’s theme is, ‘Who forgot to check if the Vice President’s daughter is pregnant?'” –Conan O’Brien

“By the way, here’s good news, ladies and gentlemen: the Palin family crisis that we were talking about on Sunday and Monday, that has been solved now, and, today, the baby is being adopted by Angelina Jolie.” –David Letterman

“Here’s the amazing part: back in 1984, Sarah Palin actually came second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant. Now she could be vice president. You know what that means? For the first time in history, a beauty pageant contestant might actually bring about world peace. They’ve talked about it for years; here’s one that could do it!” –Jay Leno

“Alaska Gov. Sarah Pallin is John McCain’s choice. Here’s what we know about her: her name is Sarah Palin.” –Jay Leno

“Actually, it was kind of a smart choice. McCain went with a woman because he didn’t want to have to be in a position to have to get CPR from Mitt Romney.” –Jay Leno

“Palin and McCain are a good pair. She’s pro-life and he’s clinging to life.” –Jay Leno

“Today President Bush called Gov. Palin and congratulated her. Bush told Palin the job of vice president is very important because as vice president, you get to tell the president what to do.” –Jay Leno

“The McCain people believe that Americans will disregard her inexperience because they will fall in love with her story. She was a runner up in the 1984 Miss Alaska Pageant., which may sound trite, but you try walking in high-heeled snow shoes.” –Bill Maher

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